I Don't Give or Take a Sh*t

Warning: This blog, though attempting to be moderately humorous, contains obscene, coarse, or improper language. If profanity offends you, too fucking bad. (Ahem) I mean, stop reading now and move on. Please, do not send me multiple emails telling me about the language. I wrote it – so I know I’m about to talk about cursing, okay?


The other day, I was sitting here minding my own business and was listening to Gregg talk to a friend of his one the phone. Okay, I guess that means I was minding his business and not my own, but that is beside the point. Man, not even a full paragraph into this post and I’m already digressing.

Back on track, I heard Gregg say, “I don’t give a shit, man.”

And that got me to thinking, and then was added to that thought when later, my son says, “I gotta take a dump.”

All right, confusion time.

I guess in a way I can understand the “I don’t give a shit.” It’s a phrase that means, “I don’t care.” I guess if you don’t care, then being unwilling to give a shit for whatever it is, well, that’s really not caring a lot, right?

Plus, who would really want you to give a shit to them? Well, maybe your proctologist, but I’m digressing again.

But the phrase that really has me stumped is, “I need to take a shit,” or “I need to take a leak, take a piss, take a dump….”

Uhm, where do you need to take it? I mean, technically, if you are sitting on the shitter and you are shitting, aren’t you GIVING a shit and not taking one?

Why, other than to the proctologist, would anyone want to take a shit with them anywhere, or really, why would anyone, again except for the proctologist, want to give a shit to anyone?

“What do you want for dinner tonight, honey?”

“Oh, I don’t give a shit.”

“Well, good, because I wasn’t really planning on eating shit for dinner.”

Now, there’s another one though…

“I don’t give a fuck.”

Well, this could be good or bad. If you wanted a fuck, and someone said to you, I don’t give a fuck, then you’d likely be a bit upset at not getting a fuck. But if, as chances are most likely, you really didn’t want a fuck from that person, then them not giving you one could be a blessing in disguise, right?

Right.

Then there is, “I don’t give a damn.”

Well, unless you’re God or perhaps even the devil, chances are you aren’t eligible to give damns.

Now, we can give a shit, give a fuck and give a damn… why can’t we give an ass?

These are things I really want to know, things that keep me up in the middle of the night pondering.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go take a shit and give a fuck, and I don’t give a damn if you like my ass or not.

Have a fantastic evening!

Love and stuff,
Michy